One of the most frustrating things that I have found, the thing I still struggle with, is how to utilize my gifts successfully. What makes that task even more daunting is to first discover what talents I have to begin with. The other people I am volunteering with are both extremely talented in the field of music: they can read music, sing on key, keep up with the beat, and (probably the most effective aspect) the ability to teach others to do the same. As for me, I couldn't carry a tune if it was in a bucket. To be fair, the others have had a lot more experience, education, and classroom time in music than I ever did. As for me, my classroom was the shower back home, and my experience comes down to the occasional karaoke bar on the weekends. I don't mean to present that I am not gifted, I am just not gifted in music. Another roadblock for me appears to be that the gifts I have (whatever those may be), the things I am knowledgeable about, cannot be utilized where I am at. For example, my military training has taught me a lot of things, one of which is how to effectively kill a person eight times before he even hits the ground. But a talent like that is not something I want to teach kids, or anyone else for that matter... at least not before the zombie apocalypse starts (ha!). I am also good at making pies (which was NOT part of military training), particularly cheesecakes. However, where I am at I do not have an oven, which doesn't matter that much anyway, because experience has taught me that finding cream cheese (at least in my locale) is like finding Presbyterian Eskimos in the Sahara Desert. I have a great theological mind: I can grasp and understand theological concepts better than most, and I absolutely love it, but getting anyone to show interest in it is difficult (which is pretty much true wherever I go, including the States).
Basically I have almost resigned myself to having a mundane experience. I would just be in India, doing what the people at my site want me to do, just waiting for a chance to make use of some of my talents. I was imagining myself for an entire year printing out flyers for an upcoming celebration, or send children to PE during a class I am substituting for, just biding my time before I got on the plane to head back to America. Just mundane chores here and there, wasting my site's time and resources until I return home. Then I read a prayer that appears in a book (Bless This Mess & Other Prayers by Jo Carr and Imogene Sorley, Abingdon Press, New York, 1969) that kind of made me realize something. Here is the whole thing:
Lord, God,
you have not called me
to some puttering, petty, mundane mediocrity,
You have called me to renew the world.
This is my task.
Impossible?
Unreachable?
Imperative.
Not all at once.
Not by revolution, at least not the blood-and-thunder kind.
But by revolution in the hearts of people.
Starting with me.
You have called me to renew the world-
at coffee klatsch,
at the supper table,
in circle meeting,
at the polls,
in a letter to the editor,
in a letter to a friend.
These are merely puttering, petty, mundane things, unless they are done with all my mind
and strength
and soul
and heart....
and done for thee.
To renew the world-
this is my task.
God, help me.
Amen.
The things I do feel mundane because, quite frankly, anyone can do these things. They aren't difficult. The one thing that this prayer helped me realize is that part of my frustration with the things I am doing, and not being able to do the things I am good at, is all about attitude. Who should I be doing these things for? For myself? For personal glory? I felt that I have so many positive qualities and talents that are going to waste by just printing out pamphlets. It is like the mundane things I do are beneath me. But it's all about attitude. I could be the greatest theological mind since Barth, I can do more good than Mother Theresa, I may have the faith to move mountains, but if I have no love, if I do these things for the wrong reason, I am nothing (that last part was from the Bible somewhere...near the back). I don't have to be Martin Luther King Jr or Mother Theresa, or be gifted in preaching or understanding theology to change the world (although it certainly helps!). Itty bitty things can be huge, in building relationships, in creating a presence, in the changing of hearts, in the renewing of the world, if they are done with the right attitude, and done for God.
Basically I have almost resigned myself to having a mundane experience. I would just be in India, doing what the people at my site want me to do, just waiting for a chance to make use of some of my talents. I was imagining myself for an entire year printing out flyers for an upcoming celebration, or send children to PE during a class I am substituting for, just biding my time before I got on the plane to head back to America. Just mundane chores here and there, wasting my site's time and resources until I return home. Then I read a prayer that appears in a book (Bless This Mess & Other Prayers by Jo Carr and Imogene Sorley, Abingdon Press, New York, 1969) that kind of made me realize something. Here is the whole thing:
Lord, God,
you have not called me
to some puttering, petty, mundane mediocrity,
You have called me to renew the world.
This is my task.
Impossible?
Unreachable?
Imperative.
Not all at once.
Not by revolution, at least not the blood-and-thunder kind.
But by revolution in the hearts of people.
Starting with me.
You have called me to renew the world-
at coffee klatsch,
at the supper table,
in circle meeting,
at the polls,
in a letter to the editor,
in a letter to a friend.
These are merely puttering, petty, mundane things, unless they are done with all my mind
and strength
and soul
and heart....
and done for thee.
To renew the world-
this is my task.
God, help me.
Amen.
The things I do feel mundane because, quite frankly, anyone can do these things. They aren't difficult. The one thing that this prayer helped me realize is that part of my frustration with the things I am doing, and not being able to do the things I am good at, is all about attitude. Who should I be doing these things for? For myself? For personal glory? I felt that I have so many positive qualities and talents that are going to waste by just printing out pamphlets. It is like the mundane things I do are beneath me. But it's all about attitude. I could be the greatest theological mind since Barth, I can do more good than Mother Theresa, I may have the faith to move mountains, but if I have no love, if I do these things for the wrong reason, I am nothing (that last part was from the Bible somewhere...near the back). I don't have to be Martin Luther King Jr or Mother Theresa, or be gifted in preaching or understanding theology to change the world (although it certainly helps!). Itty bitty things can be huge, in building relationships, in creating a presence, in the changing of hearts, in the renewing of the world, if they are done with the right attitude, and done for God.
